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I Cried and I Didn’t Know Why

The other day I cried and I didn’t know why. Sometimes I cry because it’s cathartic, other times I cry because I’m actually depressed, but when I cry and there’s no reason attached to it, it’s even more upsetting. Unexplained crying makes me feel distressed. I don’t know what’s “wrong” with me and I can’t seem to figure it out. I feel out of control, scared, and I don’t know when these emotions will stop hitting me.

Admittedly I’m an emotional person. I’m highly sensitive and I honor my feelings. I want to be able to feel things on a deep level. But, there comes a point when it’s just too much. The emotions overtake me and I have to cry. I have to roll with it. And, if I don’t know why I’m crying, it’s okay. Maybe I don’t NEED to know why. The point of emotions is to feel them first and explain them later.

I should say this: if you’re crying a lot, and it’s impacting your ability to function, please see a mental health professional.

Also, I’m an overly analytical person anyway, so trying to figure out why I’m crying while I’m crying seems overwhelming.

I’m thankful I have the ability to cry. As a woman in society, we are free to express our sadness. Anger is a different story. When you’re an angry woman, people call you a b*tch, which is unfortunate. We live in a misogynistic culture where women are allowed to be sad but not allowed to feel anger.

Men, on the other hand, are told that crying is a sign of weakness. It’s not fair, because men are just as sensitive as women are, they just express it differently. It’s so bizarre how gender plays a role in who is or isn’t allowed to express their emotions. I don’t understand why we can’t just feel things. We’re all human beings who have the ability to feel emotions. It’s not fair that we should have to conceal extremely real feelings.

When we feel something, something real, we express it. We don’t need to conform to societal expectations about emotions. Let’s defy what is “expected” and “normal” and break the walls down. It isn’t fair to expect people to repress their extremely real emotions just because we’re a certain gender. Humans have a wide spectrum of emotions, and we need to share them. When we express ourselves freely, we can do amazing things!

How do you think great art is created? Because the artist (writer, dancer, singer, fine artist, actor or performance artist) is in touch with their feelings. They’re not ashamed of having feelings. In some of the darkest times, I’ve created some great art, whether that was me acting in a scene from Anne Frank or writing a poem that depicted what it’s like to live with a disability. These are the times that I was able access my feelings and use them to create something meaningful.

So, are you on the verge of crying but you’re afraid to go there. Go there, let it out, and figure out why it’s happening later.

A version of this post was previously published on Huffpost and is republished here with permission from the author.

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